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Friday, February 27, 2004

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Mood: Touched
Today’s Quote: "Dude, your shirt matches your eyes, Adam you look so hot" & "Lets do it, Lets just do it" Jacky
Today’s Song: "Karma Police" RadioHead

I saw a world In which I never saw before. I went to an NA meeting with a friend of mine (which I got A LOT of hell for). Not being an addict myself, it was a totally differant experience. It was most def. not 314 Beaver Street. I heard stories people only hear about in the movies. I heard stuff, that no matter how much life seems life seems to suck, I can always draw hope from those people. They went through much worse then I, and they are thriving. It seems that they have more strength and courage then I will ever have.

This is a good song. At first I wasn't a Radiohead fan, but now they are growing on me. (oposite of some people I know)

"Karma Police
Arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzeslikeafridge
He's like a detuned radio.

Karma Police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo
Is making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party

This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get..
when you mess with us.

Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll.

This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get..
when you mess with us.

For a minute there...
I lost myself.. I lost myself
Phew for a minute there,
I lost myself.. I lost myself"


Tuesday, February 24, 2004

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Mood: Warm, fuzzy, like everyone loves me. (well most people love me)
Today’s Quote: "What, she told you to go kill yourself. No one tells Feathers to go kill himself" S.S.S.
Today’s Song: "Bring the Pain" Mindless Self Indulgence (Meth. Man Cover)

Its funny how no matter how much I am lacking in the lady love, I have so many friends who love me more then any "BITCH"* can. Buddha was right when he said "All unhappiness is caused by ego-driven motives", but it is impossible to realize it when 1,000's of people tell you things to make you feel good about one's self. Such as "You don't deserve that shit. You are too good of a person. Whoever doesn't appreciate you for who you are, doesn't deserve you either." I may be "conceded", but I wouldn't be if you guys would quit pumping my ass full of such joyous comments. (Not that I am complaining) Everyone deserving of self love, should feel this way. Buddha also said "You must love yourself before you love others." Boy, do I love you guys to death. If any of you need a hand in ANYTHING, don't be afraid. I am here for you as you have been here for me 18 years of my life.

*Not directed at any single female, but used in general. Also it is not meant to be degrading, but just to piss certain people off.

This is a great song. The version I decided to choose for "Song of the day" is done by the cracker below
Jimmy

"lemme tell you now:
i came to bring the pain hardcore from the brain
let's go inside my astral plane
find out my mental based on instrumental
records hey so i can make monumental
methods i'm not the king but niggaz is decaf
i stick 'em for the cream check it
just how deep can shit get - get deeper than your fists
and brothers is mad pissed accept it
in your cross colors clothes you crossed over
and now ya totally crossed out and kriss kross
who da boss niggaz get tossed to da side
and i'm the dark side of the force of course
it's the method man from the wu-tang clan
i be hectic and comin' for that headpiece protect it
fuck it two tears in a bucket
niggaz want the ruckas? so bust it at me son now bust it
stylez i get buckwild method man on some shit
fuck'n niggaz foul son i'm sick
insane crazy drivin' miss daisy
how the fuck am i? now i got mine i'm swayze
is it real son lemme know it's real son if its really real son lemme know it's real
load it up and kill one
load it up and kill one
load it up and kill one
if it's really real
when i was a little stereo i used to be the champion
i always wonder when i would be the number one - hey hey hey
and now you listen to me darcon darcon
- - - - - - - - - -
and all you niggaz come and test me test me
i'm gonna lick out your brains
mothers wanna hang with the meth bring the rope
cuz the only way you hang is by the neck
nigga pump off a set comin' through all your projects
take it as a threat or better yet it is a promise
comin' like a vet on some old vietnam shit
you can bet your bottom dollar that i'm on it
and it'll get even worse word to god it's the wu
comin' through takin' niggaz 'fore they're
gone gone gone gone gone gone
movin' to your left
i came to represent and carve my name within your chest
you can come test realize it's no contest son
i'm the gun who won that old wild west
quick on the draw with my hands on the floor
lovin' all those goddamn monkey rhymes galore
check it cuz i think not when it's hip hop like propa
rhymes be the proof when i'm drinkin' ninety proof vodka
no OJ no no straw
when you give it to me - yeah - give it to me raw i burn
give it to me raw i burn
chest hair
i don't need no chemical blow to pull no ho - no
all i need is chemical bank to pay her up
is it real son lemme know it's real son if its really real son
lemme know it's
1-2-3-4
kill one - fuck it up and kill one
fuck it up and kill one
lemme know it's real"


Thursday, February 19, 2004

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Mood: Not bad.
Today’s Quote: "For the anti-sex, you scream pretty loud" Jacky
Today’s Song: "Bitches" MSI (Not to be sexist, I know girls shouldn't be called "Bitches" but too bad, its a kick ass song)

Today wasn't bad at all. I got to have a nice convo about really nothing with Steve on the way home. I miss him to death, and we def. Have to do something this weekend. I am just going to be glad when this week is over. School has been keeping me busy. Its a pain in the ass to do all my homework. I hate it. I guess just wanting to get out of the house, so well, I can hang with the ladies is good motivation, but more I think about it, the worse the lady thing looks.

And I have been noticing, that when I take a walk, the ladies have been checking me out again. Its a nice feeling. I must be a fucking hot bitch or something. And we all know this song describes me perfectly:

"bitches love me cause they know that I can rock
bitches love me cause they know that I can rhyme
bitches love me cause they know that I can fuck
bitches love me cause they know that I'm on time
throughout the projects
done - done - this is how it should be done
this is how it should be done
this style style style done
pow - muthafucka - pow
bitches love me
love me love me love me love me
bitches love me
bitches love me cause they know that I can rock
done - done - this is how it should be done
this is how it should be done
this style style style done"

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

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Mood: Gosh damn mother fucker! I have to be luckiest man here on this rock in space
Today’s Quote: "Never take for granted your good frienships, for they are the most prized possesion one can ever have"
Today’s Song: "Moonshadow" Cat Stevens

I don't understand. Why the hell do I deserve so many great friends. I will never understand that. You guys are so good to me. I feel soo loved, so cared for. I honestly can't think of a single soul who has so many close friends as I. When I am down, I have 1000's of people willing to give me a hand up. Just the thought of it makes me smile. Life always tosses me a curve, but, for some reason I can't stay down too long. My life seems to be crumbling beneath my feet, but every second I can find a new reason why life is so grand. I love you guys. The debts I owe you,.... I will never be able to pay back, but Oh, how I want to try. God bless you all.

Yes, once and a blue moon, I listen to some Cat Stevens. Yes, another reason to fuel the "Adam is a hippy". I am not though. (Despite what you guys Try to convince Mr. Page). Peace

"Oh, I’m bein’ followed by a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin and hoppin’ on a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow

And if I ever lose my hands, lose my plough, lose my land,
Oh if I ever lose my hands, oh if.... I won’t have to work no more.
And if I ever lose my eyes, if my colours all run dry,
Yes if I ever lose my eyes, oh if.... I won’t have to cry no more.

And if I ever lose my legs, I won’t moan, and I won’t beg,
Yes if I ever lose my legs, oh if.... I won’t have to walk no more.
And if I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south,
Yes if I ever lose my mouth, oh if.... I won’t have to talk...

Did it take long to find me? I asked the faithful light.
Did it take long to find me? and are you gonna stay the night?"

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

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Mood: Ok
Today’s Quote: "Who are you trying to be, Ho-Chi-Man (spelling)" Mr. Barton
Today’s Song: "Black Water" The Doobie Brothers

Today was ok. I got my Offical Photo License. Now I have offical ID. Yay to tobbaco, porn, and Lottery tickets (j/k)

Life has been treating me OK for the past day or two, but I am still SOOO confused. I don't know where to go, what to do. I feel like I am in an endless maze, and I would I wish someone would just show me the way out. Just someone, take my hand and show me the way. Hopefully a "pretty mamma".

"Well, I built me a raft and she's ready for floatin'
Ol' Mississippi, she's callin' my name
Catfish are jumpin' that paddle wheel thumpin'
Black water keeps rollin' on past just the same

Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me
Yeah, keep on shinin' your light, gonna make everything
Pretty mama, gonna make everything all right
And I ain't got no worries 'cause I ain't in no hurry at all

Well, if it rains, I don't care, don't make no difference to me
Just take that street car that's goin' up town
Yeah, I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland and dance a honky tonk
And I'll be buyin' everybody drinks all around

Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me
Keep on shinin' your light, gonna make everything
Everything, gonna make everything alright
And I ain't got no worries 'cause I ain't in no hurry at all

I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland,
Pretty mamma come and take me by the hand
(By the hand, take me by the hand, pretty mama,
Come and dance with your Daddy all night long)
I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mamma, come and take me by the hand
(By the hand, take me by the hand, pretty mama,
come and dance with your daddy all night long)
(I want to honky-tonk) (honky-tonk)
Pretty momma, come and dance with your daddy all night long
I'd like to...
(honky-tonk) (with you all night long)"


Tuesday, February 10, 2004

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Mood: Truckin'
Today’s Quote: "Ain't Life Grand"
Today’s Song: "Transylvania" Iron Maiden

I am actually happy today. I don't' know why at all. I guess b/c nothing went bad. I kind of miss my anger though. I am back to listening to the Grateful Dead/Allman brothers/Phish type stuff. I did get back in touch with my metal roots through all my anger though.

Lyndsay Riley gave/lent me two slides, one of which I am to pass onto Dave. I found out I am far from Duane Allman. I am tired of sucking at the old 6 string, but I do love it. I am glad, Lyndsay, everything is working out. I think hearing that is part of my happiness, but not quite sure.

I am kind of worried though. It seems that many people in my life are going to get burned by others, and I feel totally helpless to them. I guess that when that shit does happen, I will just have to kick some ass. I do not believe in violence, but I fear the blood is near. I think that would be kick ass.

"This song has No singer, and it probably never will, Transylvania!" Bruce Dickinson On A Real DEAD One

Saturday, February 07, 2004

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Mood: ....Fuck you....
Today’s Quote: "The capitalist in me is going WA HOO!" Lyndsay "All is fair in love and war" ????
Today’s Song: "Payback" Slayer

All IS fair in Love and war, and my friends, its war. The paint is on, and the gun is loaded. I dont know where to start, and where to end with this anger. I like it though. As long as I have something to be angry about, I won't get depressed. I like anger. Anger has to be one of my best friends. I just have to keep telling myself "Just think Adam, real soon you will be able to go out on your own."

Matt Socie turned me on to this song. I am not a huge Slayer fan, but hey, It fits the mood. It is a reminder to all those who are fucking with me, Your time will come. Your time will come all right. FUCKERS!

"You need to take a closer look at me
Cause I was born to be the thorn in your side
No matter what you think you're gonna see
You never wanted this barrage of fucking pride
You don't want none of me

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
When you draw first blood you can't stop this fight
For my own peace of mind - I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Payback's a bitch motherfucker

You only live to be a parasite
Your life must suck when nothing's going your way
Everything melts away before your eyes
You're just a punk that doesn't have the sense to get away
Get the fuck away

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
When you draw first blood you can't stop this fight
For my own peace of mind - I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Payback's a bitch motherfucker

I will never become your fucking scapegoat
I don't know how it feels to come up short
I only want vengeance
To come shining down on me
I don't want you to die
Before I get the chance to kill you myself

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
This is for the mindfuck
This is for the hell of it
This is for me- I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Now you're nothing "

Friday, February 06, 2004

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Mood: So So
Today’s Quote: "Spend my days with a women unkind, smoked my stuff and drank all my wine..." Led Zep - Going to California
Today’s Song: "Over The Hills and Far Away" Led Zep.

Today wasn't too plesent, but for some reason life wasn't too bad today. I guess it was what I made of it. I went to the dentist, shoveled snow today (which was a pain in the ass, back, and stomach). Not much else.

I love this song. Its one of the few Led Zep songs that Rob. Plant didn't rape. I love Led Zep, but damn do I hate their singer. Oh yea, it was my brothers first full song on the guitar. Its not Really difficult, but for a first song..... Damn it Jason.

"Hey lady--you got the love I need
Maybe more than enough.
Oh Darling... walk a while with me
You've got so much...

Many have I loved - Many times been bitten
Many times I've gazed along the open road.

Many times I've lied - Many times I've listened
Many times I've wondered how much there is to know.

Many dreams come true and some have silver linings
I live for my dream and a pocketful of gold.

Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missing
Many many men can't see the open road.

Many is a word that only leaves you guessing
Guessing 'bout a thing you really ought to know, ooh!
You really ought to know..."


Thursday, February 05, 2004

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Mood: I swear I am loosing a bit more sanity with every click of the clock.
Today’s Quote: "I don't believe in DNA testing" Joanna Boggs.
Today’s Song: "Diary Of a Madman"

As I am typing this, I am looking out my window in marvel. I know the snow is a mess, it is a pain in the rear to clean up, to drive in, and everything else, but Oh how gorgeous it. No school tomorrow is exactly what I need. Today seemed to go on forever, and I feel like I am going to go freaking crazy. This, that, and the other thing. I know the snow is a mess, it is a pain in the rear to clean up, to drive in, and everything else, but Oh how gorgeous it.

I love this song. This is one of those songs Randy just rocked in. I feel this song very well today. I feel all my strands of sanity slowly begin to unravel.

"Screaming at the window
Watch me die another day
Hopeless situation endless price I have to pay

Sanity now it's beyond me there's no choice

Diary of a madman
Walk the line again today
Entries of confusion
Dear diary I'm here to stay

Manic depression befriends me
Hear his voice
Sanity now it's beyond me
There's no choice

A sickened mind and spirit
The mirror tells me lies
Could I mistake myself for someone
Who lives behind my eyes
Will he escape my soul
Or will he live in me
Is he tryin' to get out or tryin' to enter me

Voices in the darkness
Scream away my mental health
Can I ask a question
To help me save me from myself

Enemies fill up the pages
Are they me
Monday till Sunday in stages
Set me free"




Tuesday, February 03, 2004

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Mood: :-p
Today’s Quote: "I hit you cause I lova ya Jenny" Dave Mollica
Today’s Song: "Phantom Of the Oprera" Iron Maiden

~!~ Ahh, Snow days rock ~!~



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