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Saturday, August 21, 2004

Mood: Lonely, and Enslaveed
Today’s Quote: "I love my job, too bad it is here" -Robert Luther (the coolest packer ever)
"6 months Pickin, and your be ready to walk out on the street with a 44 mag and blow your fucking brains out" -Sherm the picker gone janitor.
Today’s Song: "Escape" -Metallica

First off, notice that little comment thingy. Maybe if I got some repsonses, I might post more. ha ha. I figured out too (on my own), to get a comment for every post. I also have one on the side just for general suggestions about the blogg (I put there by accident figuring out where I wanted the comments). It isn't like Live journal coolness (the only good thing bout that damn fucking thing), but hey, I have comments now!

Wow, I'm posting. I figured it out. I mellowed out. I don't feel the old wide spectrum of feelings I used to. I miss my bouts of depression for a little bit of joy. Now all I feel is a constant state of lonelyness and enprisionment. I dont' post because I don't feel enought to put here. Someone, fall in love with me, or ateast let me fall in love with you, so I feel again. I miss love. I miss feeling romanic and mushy. I just miss life. I work fucking 60 hours this week. I bought a gutiar in 2 weeks worth of pay, and no time to play it. Warnaco has bought my soul. My mind only has enougth time to think about work, and how awesome it would be if I could be spending my time with someone special in my life. I would love to hear "Adam, I have been waiting to tell you this for a long time, but I love you." I feel 100x more manly too. I hide what little emotions I have, I won't ask for help from anyone, and I have the largest desire to fish. Just the word Fish reminds me of Dad too. I need to spend some time with him at the lake. There was only one thing Dad like to do more then fish, and that was fish with his kids. Dad, what should I do.

Two things are happening though In my life that are looking up. I got a car, a pos dodge aclaim left to me by Dad, and I am moving up the moutin with mom in my own little pad down stairs. Yes, I am getting my own apartment in the same building as mom. She doesn't care who spends the night, or what they smoke, just so they blow out the window, and I dont' make any babies. She plans on giving me a hand out with the bills too. I may just end up finding another job. One I can be Adam Feathers again, or atleast what is left of this shell of him. I haven't written a poem in like 2 and a half months, yet I had so much to write about. I haven't written in my private journal for about the same time, and boy could I fill her up now. Graduation, dad dying, new jobs, lack of love (how it is filled with all my feelings of those I love, or once loved). I am sure given the chance, a flare could strike up again though. I can fall in love easily if feelings were once there, or so I have found out.

The band Poverty Stricken has been built. The line is up is: Dave Mollica (bass, and to no surprise), John Finamore (drums), Johnathon Mcneilis (keyboard), Adam {me} (guitar), and Justin Feathers (Guitar and Vocals). We plan on rockin blair county for some time, well, what time I have to spend.

Someone, anyone, rescue me.

I need to escape:
" Fell no pain, but my life ain't easy
I know I'm my best friend
No one cares, but I'm so much stronger
I'll fight until the end
To escape from the true false world
Undamaged destiny
Can't get caught in the endless circle
Ring of stupidity

Out of my own, out to be free
One with my mind, they just can't see
No need to hear things that they say
Life is for my own to live my own way

Rape my mind and destroy my feelings
Don't tell my what to do
I don't care now, 'cause I'm on my side
And I can see through you
Feed my brain with your so called standards
Who says that I ain't right
Break away from your common fashion
See through your blurry sight

Out of my own, out to be free
One with my mind, they just can't see
No need to hear things that they say
Life is for my own to live my own way

See they try to bring the hammer down
No damn chains can hold me to the ground
Life is for my own to live my own way"

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Mood: AHHHH!
Today’s Quote: AHHHH (X2!!!)
Today’s Song: "Psalm" -John Coltrain

You know, a lot has happend since I last posted. I gradimicated, got a job, said good bye to my father for good, and I'm about ready to say good bye to my old job and start another. Life fucking is cazy.

I wouldnt' be posting this except Jacky practicly begged me to do so, and we all know how she gets if she doesn't get her own way. ;-). We hung today, and had a much needed day to unwind and clear my head. We played operation and a game I haven't played since my child hood... "Rat Fuck", which is a cool card game. I owned at everything except RF. Yea Jacky is as cool as John Coltrain. You know, I guess I shouldnt' even compare her to him. I mean, who was there for me when I was down, who taught me so much about life, and who showed me sides of myself I never knew. Sorry John, it wont' happen again.

I fell in love. It is a cream colored Jackson RR5. This is a pic. of one ~~> HERE <~~~

John Coltrain ROCKS!!!!!

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Mood: enlightened
Today’s Quote: "Kirk Hammet is the ultimate mall chick guitar player" - Jason Feathers
Today’s Song: "One Word" - Mahavishnu Orchestra

Just so you know, Kirk Hammet is Metallica's Lead guitar player. Jason can be silly sometimes.

I feel so awesome. I am finding stuff out about things I never knew. I feel so important, yet so small in this vast, yet magnificent universe. As a new phase of my life begins, I am sitting and reflecting upon the life I have lead so far. I am blessed with so much. It is scary though, but I know I'll be able to do it.

John McLaughlin has to be one of the best guitar players who ever walked this amazing planet. Every note pierces one's soul. If you asked me who the best guitar player was, I could not answer, but on a list of the top ten in no order, he would be one of the first people I mentioned. Many people don't like him, which is ok. To those who says he sucks, I call fools. Fusion is one of the coolest genres of music to exist. Despite the name, this tune has no words. Its a freaking awesome instrumental.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Mood: Incomplete
Today's Quote: "Hate is so much easier to feel than love"
Today’s Song: "A New Level" - Pantera

I am glad for once I made someone happy with this things. I was in a very sentimental, crazy, and just not in a right state of mind, but I mean every word of it.

It is a very well knwon clice "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger", and my spirit is once such things that is growing stronger. I am surprised how... I dont know the word... Just not upset I am with everything right now. There just seems to be something more important in my life... I just can't figure out what. I am working on it. My mind has been thinknig 1,000x then I am used to, trying to figure it out. I just hope I can find it.

Its a great song off "Valgure Display of Power". Simply amazing album. I love it to death. I need to check out some DamagePlanas Pantera's Guitar and drum players are in it (Darrel and Vinny Abbot).

"Now a new look in my eyes my spirit rise
Forget the past
Present tense works and lasts
Got shit on
Pissed on
Spit on
Stepped on
Fucked with
Pointed at by lesser men


New life in place of old life
Unscarred by trials


A new level of confidence and power

Demanding plea for unity between us all --
United stand
Death before divided fall
In mock military order
Because time is shorter



No fucking surrender
Can't lose
Life kills"

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Mood: Touched, but not like Michael Jackson touched.
Today’s Quote: "I found my compass, it just so happens its a small, pasty white girl, who has blonde hair"
Today’s Song: All The Love in the Universe -Santana

You all know I went to an ACLU conferencece today, and it was pretty freaking awesomeme, but that wasn't the highlight of my day. It was a 5 minute walk from Sam Saylards to my house, and part of the way with a little girl. Knowing she is there just makes my soul sing with so much happiness. I am GLAD things worked out the way they did. She would have pushed me away, or I would have fucked things up, or something, and well..we have so much more. I wouldn't have that amazing person. No matter what happens, I will have her. Every person in the world, no I take it back; only deserving kind, generous people deserve a girl like that. She has been promoted to the most important girl in my life besides my mom, and she is a very close second. I am a very selfish, ungrateful human being. I always want more, when I have so much right in front of me. Life can move on just the way it is, and I will forever be happy.

I feel loved. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I feel needed, wanted, and cared for all rolled up in one warm taco shell. Its not even like the love a friend gives a friend. That kind of love isn't even a drop in the bucket. I never felt any other love besides the love given to a family member, and or a friend, but I know this idifferentnt. I know its noromanticic in nature either. ThGreeksks had 3 words for love. One meaning madly in love in romanticic sense, onmeaningng like a brother, and one meaning a deep feeling of friendship. They had nothing on this one. I found that helping hand Santana was talking about.

"Oo, oo, do...
New thoughts
Will purify my mind
and clean my body
New lives
will fall together like an endless story

All the love of the universe
will be shared by all that's living

And I don't really care
about tomorrow
is all I really need to find the answers

I'll find the constant flow
of all the harmony

Everybody needs a helpin' hand
Everybody needs a helpin' hand"

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Mood: Alone, Cold, and I feel the pressure of the universe collapsing in on me, as the binding that holds it together, my friends, are slowly, one by one, back stabbing the fuck out of me.
Today'’s Quote: (No words of wisdom today)
Today'’s Song: "Birds of Fire" John McLaughlin

I hate you all. One by one, backstabbing me, when I need you most. You guys are cowards, and are forcing my soul to slowly be severed. My spirit is dying, and you are feeding it morpoisonin. And you guys call yourself friends. When you need help, I am always there. But, when I need help, you throw me in a pit of burning coals, allowing me to slowly roast. You will be sorry, all of you, when you lose me. I need you as much as you need me, but... I will grow stronger, and my need for you will diminish.

All of those worthy of hearing good music, check the tune out. It is so amazing. I love it to death. John McLaughlin is my new musical hero.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Mood: Will no one wake me up from my recurring nightmare?
Today’s Quote: Woods of Sorrow(See Below)
Today’s Song: MF FROM HELL - The Datsuns

Cut my wrists
And let the pain bleed out
This void is never going to be filled
Just a shadow of my thoughts
What should I do
My compass is broken
And I have no place to run
If only you would have taken my hand
And guided me out
Everything would have been ok
But now that I am lost
I can't ever get back
Forever lost in the woods of sorrow

Why Did you cut my rope
I would've rather hung
Swinging beneath the branches
Because when I fell
No one caught me
And I lay here bleeding
Screaming your name
And no one comes to help
All alone with only the trees
With my broken Legs
And no where to run
Its slowly getting dark
Forever lost in the woods of sorrow

No no, I am not suicidal, but it is metaphorical for my spirit. I feel this void inside of me is eating me up. Give me some time, I won't be Adam anymore, I promise you. Turning into a real dick like theveryonene else on the face of the earth is soundinbeautifulul. I haven'benefiteded one lick for doing the right thing. I know, you don't do the right thing for sake obenefitingng oneself, but its hard when not being a dick, dicks you in the ass.

The Datsuns capture smany thingsgperfectlyly:

"There's a girl running around my head
I know she makes me frown
She may be crazy, she maybe not be right
She makes me feel like
Like a motherfucker from hell

Around her finger
She makes me sigh
With a look
The girl
She made me cry
She may be crazy, may treat me bad
She makes me feel like
Like a motherfucker from hell

Like the man said its just a shot away
It happens Lord everyday
And she says it feels good
Damn I make her feel alright
And it's a damn sight better than I got from you
Damn woman she makes me oh so blue
Like a motherfucker from hell

She got me down spinning out of control
That woman
The devils own
She maybe be crazy, she may not be right
She makes me feel like
like a motherfucker from hel

Like the man said its just a shot away
It happens Lodrd everyday
And she says it feeels good
Damn I make her feel alright
And it's a damn sight better than I got from you
Damn woman she makes me oh so blue
Like a motherfucker from hell"

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